I’d like to open by apologizing for my time away. Just got back from a trip (which my friends paid for!) and my PC greeted me by not wanting to draw graphics anymore. I had to erase most of its software and have been slowly reinstalling things one at a time. As you might guess I just got the browser working.

Thanks for the comments.

funzone: While I was away, my friend dared me to use the phrase ‘twelve inch dildo’ at least once in all my posts, which I just did. Seriously, though, there isn’t too much more I can say about my time in the store… except maybe how I wondered about these 40-something guys can thumb through magazines with the sort of expression that you think they were in the Boston Public Library… or did I say that already?

“PARDON ME, DO YOU HAVE ANY GREY POUPON?”

Every day I come home from work, and after talking with my “family” for up to an hour, I go to my room and sit in my hutch, and surrounded by computer monitors, I disappear into the graffitti world that is cyberspace.

I got a few days off from this pattern; I got to spend the weekend with my pals in Indiana. There’s usually a little tension about people getting bored because the visits end up being about watching TV and playing video games, which is okay for me. I usually don’t feel like I have much time to devote myself to video games the way you normally have to in order to beat them, so spending lots of time on that is very much a vacation for me. My TV habits don’t exist either, though I could easily switch on the TV next to my hutch and watch the stuff I’ve seen this weekend, it just doesn’t come to me by habit.

(The other couple of days were caused by my PC’s software commiting suicide upon my return. It’s almost back to normal…)

Shows like “Jackass” and “Trigger Happy TV” explain just how indifferent ordinary folks in the street can be regarding strangers in extreme situations. Even when folks are just being silly, why don’t people seem to pay any attention? Sometimes people just want to make you smile once a day and that’s it…

My pal who I’ve referred to as Mark used to keep a jar of Grey Poupon mustard in his glove compartment expressly for the purpose of brightening up ugly traffic jams. Mind, the old commercial turned into a Wayne’s World line is kinda passe, but the point wasn’t to ask anyone anything, as much as seeing how people respond to being shown a jar of mustard while going nowhere on the interstate.

Most folks are kinda fearful and try like hell not to make any eye contact with you whatsoever. Their faces point straight forward and their hands squeeze the steering wheel for dear life, because something they cannot comprehend is going on. Better responses have included a truck driver holding up a can of beer, and a stoner type showing us his lit joint. Most positive resposes are laughs or chuckles.

Beats racing at five miles per hour.

While we were cruising through rural Indiana we went into a drug store and met a guy that told us that Jesus rode a skateboard. (Starlight Express meets Jesus Christ Superstar?) We just kinda agreed with him and went about our business.

I swear I had more to say, but for now I’ll just leave you with two things I’ve heard that I wish I’d have said about something that didn’t turn out right:

“That went over like shit flavored ice cream!”

“That went over like an abortion in a Disney flick.”

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3 thoughts on “

  1. A friend of mine draws a turkey with the outline of his hand. Then he writes “My Turkey” above it. As we drive down the highway to far away destinations, he smacks it on the glass and asks “Do you like my turkey?” Of course it’s hard to hear him when you’re travelling down the highway, but it’s usually pretty obvious whether they like it or not. We keep a tally. Stupid shit, but it seems strangely ammusing at the time.
    I’m off like a prom dress.

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  2. ORANGE!  Yeah, those people I like to call shock jockeys.  They like to shock anyone just for kicks.  The better part is when you respond back in a shocking matter.  They’re like, “uh oh, I have not comback… you are king… your kung fu is better… I bow down before you and your might”.  Okay, the don’t really say that… but they think it.  And for things going over… my favourite is “That went over like a fart at a funeral”.  ORANGE!

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