I’m okay and apparently my account’s not late enough to shut it off yet…

I’m pretty safe for the time being, and I’ve been working out some
‘where I’ll go if’s so that I’ll be fine no matter what happens. 
Been doing a lot of weighing of options lately…


I remember when I was six, maybe seven years old, my family was at my
grandmother’s, who had a little house on the canals.  She was one
of the few in the neighborhood that didn’t have a boat moored to her
dock, but that’s a good thing in the long run.  Boats are very
high maintanance when you consider all you do is joyride or go fishing
in them.

My sisters, who were teenagers at the time, and my brother who’s a
little older than me had plunged over the dock into the canal, and I
remember sitting on the dock, watching them.  They were trying to
convince me that it’d be fun to jump in, and I wanted no part of
it.  Mind, I had nothing against swimming, by then, though I
remember a time when I was scared of water too, I think this was in
between “I’ll swim if I can hold onto things” and the day I finally let
go of the inflatable boat and realized I was treading the water without
the boat’s help.

No, the idea of plunging into water was nothing.  I’m acrophobic,
and I suppose what was probably only two or three feet to the water’s
surface looked pretty big to me at the time.  I did finally make
myself do it, but by then, I think I was in the water some two minutes
and then it was time to go.

Now, there’s two ways to take this, that I can think of.

I was convinced this wouldn’t be fun.  After letting my sisters
convince me that indeed, it would be fun after all, I did it and it
wasn’t fun.  I was right in the first place; just say no to peer

However, it probably would’ve been more fun if I had made up my mind to
jump in the canal sooner, or if it had occured to me to say, “no, I
think I’ll take the ladder.”


My first job that had nothing to do with my dad was a summer job I had
in college in a video store.  That’s only partly true, the store
was owned by a friend of my dad, but at least it wasn’t working for or
with my dad…

I remember the boss checking in on us one day, fussing about how we
have customers that will call up and ask if we have whatever was
released last Tuesday on a weekly basis, knowing full well that they
hadn’t seen the new release they asked for from <i>last</i>
Tuesday or Tuesday before that.

Are they asking because they want to feel like they were the first to
see something?  Have they rented those other titles elsewhere or
seen the movies with a friend or something?

Or is the movie worse because a week went by?

The joining thoughts behind both stories-  Do our goals become
stale?  How often do we achieve things and get left with the
feeling that it wasn’t worth the trouble?

Perhaps we should examine our goals and aspirations all the time, just to make sure.

Thanks for the comments and well-wishes, I’ll be alright.

Try out the chatterbox, it should stay functional even if I can’t make
updates here, and hopefully things will turn out better quickly.

(PS- Chatterbox will work for folks that haven’t got Xanga accounts too.)

Best wishes to everyone.

See you next time.


3 thoughts on “

  1.   Do our goals become stale?  How often do we achieve things and get left with the feeling that it wasn’t worth the trouble?
    Pretty often, but then again, being a spiritual hindu, my belief tells me this be the duality of human existence. Once you get what you want, you try very hard to dilute the value of it. I don’t know why people do it, but I do know why I do. It is a self depracatory state of mind- it is a lack of self worth in some cases and sometimes I do it, because I am guarding myself- you know, should I fuck up, I can always say ‘oh well, what the hell’.
    Anywhoo.. I am glad your xanga is up again


  2. I am glad to see a post by you.  I do think we need to continually examine our goals if for nothing else to keep them in our minds, but then again, I can’t say I actually do it so what do I know?  Infinite Blessings


  3.   What’s acrophobic?  Fear of jumping or gymnastics or something?  I loved jumping when I was little, except if it was jumping downward for more than 5 feet.


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