If I have learned a single lesson between 1996 and 2002, it is that it is useless to borrow money to get through this week, only to owe twice as much next week, knowing that you won’t have enough money to repay in either instance. I have come too far since those days to delibraely put myself insurmountably into debt again. As it stands, I am on the boundary between reestablishing a sustainable budget again and having everything run away. Don’t put me on the wrong side on purpose.

It is possible to do everything in your life correctly, and still not succeed. The reason for this is that there will usually always be someone better at something than you are, and that success is in the eye of the beholder, it is very easy to create or be given a goal that is too lofty.

Have you ever wondered if the reason why my car is still dirty and my hair hasn’t been cut in months might be because I’ve spent the money elsewhere, trying to keep things afloat? Do you notice when my credit cards remain near their maximums for the same reason?

Why do you enjoy reiterating our problems so much? If you have a useful suggestion, provide it, but just saying “you’re still screwing up” repeatedly is demeaning, it’s the reason why I only saw my father five times in ten years and it helps no one. It also aggravates clinical depression, which means all the time I spend getting my gf to believe in herself enough to go job hunting or research freelancing goes completely to waste the instant you open your mouth every Sunday.

Don’t go to my father for money I’m not able to repay. Ask yourself what your own role is in creating this mess, and if you want to ask my father something, ask him what it was like when I lived 900 miles away and only visited every other year. This is the path that you are choosing.

What is needed now is less expenses, not more; I need time to reestablish my finances because I just can’t provide the needed support right now. Maybe I can try again in a few years, but only time will tell.

Please consider that by venting this to my potential readership of 5 to 200 readers instead of confronting you directly is because I find your audacity so offensive that I think there is no way to raise the issue in person that will end constructively.

That, and I don’t think you’ll understand the true depth of my frustration unless you see it infect a place where I normally won’t express that sort of thing. In truth, I expect that you will never read this at all, though there is an off-chance that someone may point it out to you in time.

I hope everyone is doing better than am.

See you next time.



  1. Its gotten that bad? I recall you giving me some inkling about it,but its ridiculous its gotten to that point. You have my full supportand encouragement- I just went back to school at Kaplan College to getmy national certifiations for medical coding and billing specialist. IfJean could get financial aid, which I’m sure she could, she’d be ableto do a cetification program and get into job placement. I just startedand I’ve already got people knocking on the door offering jobs after myexternship is over. Check it out, its helping me, and we both know how bad things got. Don’t give up hope. As for the problem every Sunday, stop going. They’ll get the message without confrontation.


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